A Word to the Wise...

This weekend was fucking epic. So much going on in South Philadelphia and so little time to get wasted. But I must say if your planning on drinking all day and the Phillies game doesnt start till 8 o' clock, maybe you dont need to buy two more four Lokos. They lead to these kind of text message conversations...

Me- SENOR OCTUBRE! (after chooch's homer in game one)

Sean Martelli- chilluh as always. you should come watch at our crib.

Me- You should look at my dick on youtube.

Not sure where that one came from. Or that I had a youtube video of my dick. whatever. Other hilights of my wastedness...

- Purchasing five balloons from a shady black guy at the phillies tailgate and running excitedly back to my friends car. Then a forty year old man smirks at my roommate josh and i and says, "what are you guys up to?" Josh's response, "college..." Classic. I wish there was a picture of this moment.

-Subway ride down to the stadiums. Now usually these drunken rides to the stadiums on the Broad Street Line are fun by themselves, but when My friends and I and our Old English forties were joined by a crazy mohawked man things got out of control. This guy was wearing a white cape, or should i say bed-sheet, with shoulder and knee pads. As soon as he walked on i felt like I was looking a real life rufio. He wasn't asian but the resemblance was uncanny and rufio chants ensued. His clothes were funny in there own right, but the best part was you could make this guy do ANYTHING. We had him doing knee slides down the aisles, back flips, and rapping. He kind of sucked at all these things but it was still fucking hysterical. But then things took a weird turn. He was standing next to me when i noticed that he had two hospital bands on his arms. Before this I was sure that this man was a goofy homeless person but then realized he probably just broke out of an insane asylum. When i called him out for just coming out of a hospital he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I killed a cop." He then walked over to the subway doors that had just closed and hulked them open and ran off. Talk about weird. at this point i was honestly wondering if someone had slipped acid into my beer.

-Mumford shit wasted at 10 in the morning. There is not much relevance to philly sports here but if anyone knows Mumford they know how hysterical he can be. "I Think I lost part of my beard..."

-While at the stadiums on Saturday, before the balloons, my friend Tyler and I tried to buy flyers tickets for the game against the Penguins. It failed, but on our way to jetro to meet up with some kids there was a bus of Penguins fans (fucking yinzers) holding up their jerseys in the windows and throwing up number one signs. Of course our response was to pretend like we we were jerking it towards there window and yelling fuck you. I should be in jail.

-And lastly, at about 11:30 PM on Saturday i fell asleep in my own lap only to wake up at 5:30 AM in a drunken stupor. My first thought; where am i? This was immediately followed up the realization that the Phillies had lost and I was barely conscious the whole time. Talk about depressed.

Now this was a fun weekend but i am pretty fucking superstitious when it comes to Pro Sports, especially in the playoffs. So im gonna blame that first Phillies loss on my drunkenness. From now on i will avoid a blackout when watching such an important game. I mean they did win last night and i only had a couple Sierra Nevadas. So it makes complete sense, right? right.

Okay enough of my personal ramblings for today. Maybe next time ill do some actual analysis of the sports instead of my own escapades.

Phuck Sobriety, Love Philly

Tim The Tin Man Johnson

EDIT- Here is the best picture we got of Rufio on the subway, credit to Kathleen Deitz