Some shitty and scary photoshops of Stuart Scott's eyes on other peoples faces

This is bad. I'm really hungover. Like reaaaaaaally hungover. Has anyone tried 4Loko Lemon Lime? It's their new flavor. "Tastes like Sprite, gets ya drunk like cocaine" -Cha$e Lee Dickenz. And its by far the most visually appealing can.

Anyways here's some freaky shit, the product a solid Thirstday night 1 of Halloweekend.

For Jorgen:

AND BY THE WAY WHO GOT THIS EMAIL AND CHEEEEEESED. Haha of course its the fucking day after I was Loko myself.

Personally I think this is hilarious. Yeah the stuffs dangerous, but they still sell it for THREE DOLLARS A CAN at the corner store thats takes thirty five seconds to walk to from my house. Sue me. I also think the timing is perfect, right before Halloween weekend...OH WAIT it already started last night for me, starring Ms. Four Loko Lemon Lime herself.

So there it is, some shitty photoshops and an email from the University, all the product of 4 Loko. Cheers

PHUCK CONVENTIONAL DRINKING, LOVE PHILLY

-Mister M

My Crazy Philly Sports Dream

Yesterday I came down with a little bit of a cold. Coughing, sore throat, a little stuffy nose, and a headache. I pretty much get this every fall, and it lasts until spring. IT SUCKS. I thought maybe this year, having quit the cancer sticks, my immune system would be good and I'd make it through somewhat unscathed. But no, as soon as one of my roommates got sick, I came down with it immediately and it sucks. One of the worst parts is that it keeps me up at night, and when I do finally fall asleep, I have wicked crazy dreams. Now I'm the kind of person that usually has some crazy fucking dreams, probably from all of these...

Anyways, since Saturday, those damn Phillies have been popping up in my dreams. I mean they usually are on my mind, so I'm not surprised they show up in my subconscious. But last night was different. Lemme back up though. I ran into Jorgen on Liacouras Walk around 2pm yesterday. We both had some time to kill, so we grabbed a brew at Maxi's. Later, I went to FroGro to pick up some groceries, and cold medicine. I got some daytime and nighttime, went home, dropped a daytime, and went to class. After coming home, I had a beer to unwind, took another dose, this time the nighttime variety. Reading the dosage warnings, apparently you shouldn't take medicine containing acetaminophen with three or more alcoholic drinks at a time or your liver can bleed and cause some issues. Well, I'd only had two, so what's the harm? After Lauren got home, we sucked some tube and popped in Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Obviously noone can take this movie seriously, so I had one more Lionshead. I figured my liver had been through much worse combinations of medication and alcohol, so I'll be fine...

THE DREAM:

I find myself driving to the stadiums. I could do that fucking drive with my eyes closed. In the car with me is my cousin Pat, and we're listening to 610 (Double u eyeeeee peeeeeeeeeee). Big news is that there's an Eagles game at the same time as the Phils. We're obviously on the way to the Phils game, cause we're wearing the beautiful Red, and I check our tickets to make sure: Standing Room Only at CBP. We park in FDR, and start walking through the park to the stadiums. All of a sudden, we see the rest of Pat's family tailgating in the park. Weird, I feel like he would've known they were coming, right? But they say they're going to the game too, and have a box on the suite level and will sneak us in with them. So we go in with them, and it's strange cause they aren't handing out rally towels. But anyways, we head up to the box, and I hear on the PA that the game's about to start. I look out the window, AND WE'RE AT THE LINC. I had accidentally gone to the Birds game, realizing I never asked my cousins which game they were going to. But how did my ticket scan at the entrance? I go down to the gates, and try to explain to the ticket checkers the mishap. They tell me if I leave they won't let me back in, and my ticket won't scan at the Bank's doors. To add insult to injury, they rip my barcode just to be sure. FUCKERS. I tell them it's all a misunderstanding, that I obviously would rather see the Phils than the Eagles, since I'm wearing a Phillies shirt. They tell me I can either stay inside the Linc or leave and never come back. So I decide to take my chances at CBP. As I'm leaving the gates, my shoe falls off, behind the gate. They won't give it to me, or let me in to grab it. Then this cute girl picks it up, throws it to me, and asks "why are they being such assholes?" Before I can respond, the gate dudes grab her and take her through a door and into what looks like a holding cell. I have no time to think, so decide to leave her and go try my luck getting into the Phils game (it had to be at least the THIRST inning by this point). Sprinting across the parking lot, I run over cars (Not like this guy). I get to the Bank gates, and explain my cause. The CBP ticket checkers are much nicer, and understand my predicament. They explain that the Eagles ticket people are always assholes, and this isn't the first time a Phils phan has been harassed by them. They let me in even though my ticket can't scan. I walk into the stadium, get handed a rally towel, and WAKE UP.

The End.

I woke up just in time to rush to work (aka unpaid internship). I get there, fucking hustling the whole way to avoid being late, and my boss informs me "he won't be making it in today." FUCKING GREAT. Never patronize this bar. That's the Northern Liberties location, not the one at the stadiums.

PHUCK SHITTY FAKE IRISH BAR CHAINS, LOVE PHILLY

-Martelli Sean

Well is anyone tired of hearing about this fuck or this fuck? I know Nick Swisher was tired of talking about Cliff Lee. Here's a report I guess that was originally on ESPN. As he walked off, Swisher said, “I can’t wait to hit against his ass.”

Later, when asked about saying this out loud with reporters present, Swisher cut off a question when the words “Cliff Lee” were uttered.

“I’m not talking about Cliff Lee,” Swisher said. “I don’t give a shit.”

What a fucking bitch. He was obviously scared. Answer the fucking question. It's like he asked you if you sent a picture of your cock to him. Or maybe you did.

I haven't posted for a while and I don't really have anything to talk about so I figured I'd just rant about some shit.

1) The Heat are getting stomped by the Celtics. I love seeing Lebron in distress. You're not as good as you think. Stop your stupid Nike ads cause everyone still hates you. Maybe if you hadn't announced on national television that you're leaving a team, that based it's fucking soul around you, people wouldn't hate. You couldn't win there and I doubt you'll do any better.

2) What? Tony Homo is out?! LIKELY FOR THE SEASON?!!! Great. Stop caring about the fucking Cowboys ESPN. You bone them even when they look like shit. If that exact roster was on the Dolphins you wouldn't be giving it head all day. Fuck the Cowboys, fuck Jerry Jones, fuck Wade Phillips, and fuck Dallas.

3) I don't know why people care about college football. You exploit the fuck out of these players and they don't get a dime. Millions of dollars go to these schools and people freak if a big name star gets some money to improve his life. He's gonna get it eventually. Then again I hate watching College games. They're boring and I can't remember the names of players from one year to the next. Lee Corso needs to shut up. Oh yeah, how bout having the worst way to decide a national champion? CHECK! "Oh they're good, but I like them better. They have great colors." SHUT THE HELL UP! Let the fans decide.

4) I hope the Rangers romp on the Giants. Not only cause they beat us, or because they have Lee, but because they have that shitface Freddy Sanchez. Is he the ugliest person I've ever seen? Not to mention the gayest name since Gaylord Focker (Buster Posey). Oh yeah and their awesome signs- "Ross is Boss" and "Torture never felt so good." Man those are bad.

I'm in a bad mood if you couldn't tell. Leave me a comment. Piss me off. I just wanna stay angry.

Phuck Everything, Love Philly

A Familiar Feeling

Im Pretty sure I've been here before. I have heard these same sounds and felt the same excruciating pain work its way through my gut.

I've seen Brian Boucher carry us to the Eastern Conference Finals only to have Patrick Elias slip past Dan Mcgillis with three minutes left in game seven and effectively bury the puck and my heart at the exact same time.

Ive seen Ricky Manning Jr. Pick off Mcnabb three times sealing our third straight loss in the final step to the super bowl.

I saw Donovan puke up our chances to win that elusive Super Bowl only one year later. (I could go on forever about Mcnabb so ill keep his disappointments to a minimum.)

Then there's Iverson prancing over Tyrone Lue after sinking that three pointer in the NBA finals giving hope to the impossible. Shaq and Kobe had something to say about that though.

In 2004 the Flyers made it back to the Eastern Conference Finals against a very beatable Tampa Lightning team only to lose in game 7. By one goal. Again.

And only last year I saw the Stanley Cup given to the opposing team on my home ice because of a weak dribbler that would of been a routine ground ball for Mickey Mourandi. Not for Michael Leighton... ( I couldn't bring myself to post the video.)

Then there was 2005 when the Phillies finally seemed primed to make the playoffs for the first time since 1993. However, Billy Wagner gives up a Home Run in the ninth inning of a late September game against the Astros, sufficiently blowing a two run lead. Then we go on to lose the wild card by one game to, guess who.... the Astros!

These are only the biggest disappointments that ive endured. The ones that i remember and keep close to my heart like a bottle of napalm. And to think, ive only been around for 20 years. Ouch.

Then 2008 came around and put a wrench in this whole goddamn losers mentality. I kept pinching myself to make sure it was true. We had a team that was good, motivated, and actually went on to win something? And its the PHILLIES? the team that just lost their 10.000th game and had become a national laughing stock because of it? I really could not believe it. The euphoria of a championship and parade settled in like a distant dream that i literally had been waiting for my entire life. But three years later it proved to be that, just a dream.

You knew every minute of the NLCS that something wasnt right. I just didn't want to admit it. The Giants kept winning those games that the Phillies would always win in the playoffs (or at least the past two season's worth of playoff games. Which is probably the only postseason most of the bandwagon fans know...) and we just couldn't hit the ball. The Giants are not as good as The Phils. That is a fact. The Phillies also got beat by a lesser team, which makes this team a great disappointment. Couple this embarassment of a loss with the Eagles losing in a way only the Iggles could and all three of my fantasy teams losing, well were right back to normal. I know most people know Philadelphia sports for the glory and celebrations the Phillies have given us the past two years, but im starting to feel right at home again. Right back in the delirium and panic of a team building you up, then throwing it right back in your face.

Go ahead and stay on the bandwagon folks, its about to be a bumpy ride.

Phuck Forgettable Weekends, Love Philly

Tin Johnson

My Personal Notes on the 2010 Philadelphia Phillies Season

It's so damn hard to complain. But it still hurts. And it's gonna hurt till February 13th, 2011, when pitchers and catchers report to Clearwater, FL, and we start this whole damn thing over.

I can vividly remember watching Roy Halladay tear apart the Nats on opening day, feasting on some za with Timmy and Jorgen, and just feeling the hype for this season, pretty much the most anticipated team we've had in a long time. Yeah we lost to the Yanks, but it seemed like we only got better after that. And we did.

Then of course, harsh reality set in just like every season. J-roll went down early, people not named Roy Halladay had to start games, etc etc. Flash forward to after the all-star game. Oswalt signs, things start turning around. They still weren't doing well enough in July and August, and it was pretty fucking frustrating. There was even talk of us not making the playoffs. I think that's when this team realized they needed to stop messing around and get it together. And they did.

Howard killed it. H2O killed it. The bullpen was chillin. J-Roll was eyeing his return, Utley was back, and as usual, we BURNED through September. Sorry Braves, but you can't have this division.

Cincinnati didn't really slow us down, nor should they have. Then we had to face these orange motherfuckers. God it was frustrating. From dropping the first game 1 in seven series, at home no less, to Howard's 0 RBIs all postseason, to Utley forgetting how to play baseball at times. This was by far the hardest thing to watch since Colorado in '07.

But goddamnit, WE WENT TO THREE STRAIGHT NLCS. You can't argue that. They built this team for a long run of success, and that's what they've done. And they'll continue to do that. This team is gonna be back, and you know they're gonna be pissed the fuck off. Of course we're gonna have to deal with Wolfman's bullshit, all I can say is obviously I want him back. But if not, I have phaith in Dom Brown, and just so long as JayWerth doesn't go to the Junkees.

What a great season though. What an entertaining ass team. As far as I'm concerned, we've hit for the postseason cycle in the last four years. Lost NLDS in 07, won WS in 08, lost WS in 09, and lost NLCS in 10. And we'll be back next year, you know this team is upset about how it just ended.

By the way, that last at-bat. I was on the edge of my seat, shaking, knees buckling, hands jittery. It's pretty interesting actually that a sports team can affect my (and an entire city's) nervous system so much. And that called third strike... A) I would've liked to go down swinging at least B) There were 2 balls, and I'm not sure the ump would've been criticized so much if he called it a ball, making it bottom of the ninth, full count 2 outs. But that was pretty much the perfect 2-strike pitch to Howard, as much as I hate that fake bearded fuckhead. If he swings, he's likely gonna miss it or foul it. And maybe it did catch the bottom of the strikezone. I don't wanna get hung up on it though, cause it's NOT the reason we dropped this series.

Maybe it's all our faults too. Who can honestly say they didn't expect us to at least go to the Series after that last month of baseball? It was almost like, after the last 2 years, we were just waiting for the WS, cause everything else was just a lead up to the big one. We forgot you gotta win seven games before you get there.

I'll stop rambling, it's not really helping at all. A big thank you to the Flyers for fucking up the Leafs this afternoon, Briere is playing like a god right now. I'm glad I can wear orange and black again without feeling guilty. Our attention can now shift to them a little more, and of course the Birds (who as I write are down by a point with 7 minutes left in Tennessee).

Can't wait for Opening Day (April 1st)
Can't wait for July 26th-28th (First series against the San Francisco Beards)
Can't wait for the saga of Jayson Werth, and to see what improvements this team makes during the offseason.

Please argue and refute me in the comment area below.

PHUCK BRIAN WILSON, CHODY ROSS, TIM LINCECUM, AND JUAN URIBE, LOVE PHILLY

-Bawn Chilliam Scott

Whoa

This is weird. But I dig that he did it for locks of love.

And on an obvious note, PHILS play in like an hour. I don't need to say this, but it's gonna be intense.

PHUCK HAIRCUTS, LOVE PHILLY

-sEaN MaRtElLi

aaaaaaaand here it is

Jayson Werth, you're my hero. If you didn't hear the interview, catch it here

PHUCK AIRPLANES, LOVE PHILLY

-sean martelli

Ok

Well that was a little less painful to watch. Nothing to celebrate though. We're still in a hole, but as Jayson Werth so wonderfully put it, "we got nothin to lose. we're headin back to our stadium, with our fans, where we like to play. it was a battle to get back there. so we're gonna hop on the bird tonight, day off tomorrow, and we'll be ready to play." (photoshop to come...)

By the way, Halladay injured his groin in the second inning in that long at bat by Cody Ross. So that explains some of his human qualities last night, but hopefully he's ok.

Also, lemme just say our bullpen has been a rock this series. My boy Contreras is chillin hard, chompin on that tobacco. Madson looked phenomenal, striking out those three bums in the ninth. Nothing soothes the soul like a classic Burrell wiff for another team. And only Bernie saves more than Brad.

Big question going into game 6 is Roy Oswalt coming off those 2ish innings of relief in game 4. Will that limit his start (comment below)? Also, I like Cholly sticking with the OG lineup. As said before, my favorite (and sometimes least favorite) quality of our skipper is his loyalty.

But we'll see you all tomorrow at 3:30 in South Philly. DEFEND THE BANK

PHUCK GROINS, LOVE PHILLY

-sean martelli

Yeah, this feels weird

Sorry, but we just don't feel well enough to post anything witty or funny or whatever today. Those Bay area fuckers are ruining my week.

I will however rant on Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. As I said at the end of the NLDS, I was not looking forward to the switch to FOX from TBS, and that still rings true. These assholes don't even talk about the game, they just blabber on about bullshit till there's a hit or an out, as if the game is interrupting their chatfest. And what's with them talking about the Golden Gate Bridge all the time? And they boned the park the whole game, yet in Philly they just show the Linc (cause FOX broadcasts Eagles games) and of course, the Liberty Bell. Cause everyone knows that's all there is to this city. Well that and cheesesteaks. I guess its kinda our fault...

But I remain hopeful for tonight. My boy Joe Blanton knows how to pitch well, contrary to the fact that his last start was pre-Civil War era. He'll hold it together. But here's a breakdown of our team's good, bad, and ugly.

GOOD:
J-Roll is coming around, and if he's leading us well, usually that's a good sign. I'd put him back up at leadoff or second.

Carlos Ruiz remains chillin, but I'd like to see him get some RBIs or something, which is pretty impossible with everyone in front of him striking out.

BAD:
Chuts. He should be under "ugly," but who can call Chase Utley ugly? Plus, I believe in him, and he usually doesn't slump very long, even though he looked horrendous in the field and at the plate last night. Especially those grimaces he was making after his error (which was eventually ruled a hit).

Polanco: Another dude at the top of the order who needs to start getting on base more and producing. Wilson Valdez could definitely play third, and hit below Chooch. Just sayin.

UGLY:

Raul: Lookin real sorry. Except for some decent play in left, he's looked awful this series. Ben Francisco might be the remedy, especially with a name like that, he can't fail in San Fran.

Werth: Something like 10 strikeouts in 20 at bats, really really bad. Get on base dude, or else I say give Dom Brown a shot.

But I feel like a traitor, insisting on sitting all these guys. I've believed in this starting lineup since the day I was born, so I believe they can pull it together. Let's fuck up this rookie BUMgarner.

PHUCK LOSING, LOVE PHILLY

-sean martelli

BREAKING NEWS

the yankees have one real fan! I really don't believe it!

Look, Cholly. If you keep saying such hilarious things, I'm gonna keep making terrible photoshop visualizations of your statements

This time it was about Roy Oswalt blowing through Sam Perlozzo's stop sign to score on Polanco's single in the 7th. Said during his postgame press conference I believe, the comments were extremely baffling. But when you think about it, they really weren't...

I applaud Charlie not only for his great quotes, but also for letting Oswalt bat in the 7th inning during a one run game. Turns out Roy gets a single and ends up scoring an important insurance run, while looking totally badass sliding safely into home. I'd like to see Ross Gload do that...

And Roy pitched a hell of a game by the way. Keeping the ball after Charlie visited the mound in the 8th was especially legit. And fanning Burrell, on a classic Pat the Bat strikeout whiff.

PHUCK THIRD BASE COACHES, LOVE PHILLY

-shaun maurtelly

A Word to the Wise...

This weekend was fucking epic. So much going on in South Philadelphia and so little time to get wasted. But I must say if your planning on drinking all day and the Phillies game doesnt start till 8 o' clock, maybe you dont need to buy two more four Lokos. They lead to these kind of text message conversations...

Me- SENOR OCTUBRE! (after chooch's homer in game one)

Sean Martelli- chilluh as always. you should come watch at our crib.

Me- You should look at my dick on youtube.

Not sure where that one came from. Or that I had a youtube video of my dick. whatever. Other hilights of my wastedness...

- Purchasing five balloons from a shady black guy at the phillies tailgate and running excitedly back to my friends car. Then a forty year old man smirks at my roommate josh and i and says, "what are you guys up to?" Josh's response, "college..." Classic. I wish there was a picture of this moment.

-Subway ride down to the stadiums. Now usually these drunken rides to the stadiums on the Broad Street Line are fun by themselves, but when My friends and I and our Old English forties were joined by a crazy mohawked man things got out of control. This guy was wearing a white cape, or should i say bed-sheet, with shoulder and knee pads. As soon as he walked on i felt like I was looking a real life rufio. He wasn't asian but the resemblance was uncanny and rufio chants ensued. His clothes were funny in there own right, but the best part was you could make this guy do ANYTHING. We had him doing knee slides down the aisles, back flips, and rapping. He kind of sucked at all these things but it was still fucking hysterical. But then things took a weird turn. He was standing next to me when i noticed that he had two hospital bands on his arms. Before this I was sure that this man was a goofy homeless person but then realized he probably just broke out of an insane asylum. When i called him out for just coming out of a hospital he looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I killed a cop." He then walked over to the subway doors that had just closed and hulked them open and ran off. Talk about weird. at this point i was honestly wondering if someone had slipped acid into my beer.

-Mumford shit wasted at 10 in the morning. There is not much relevance to philly sports here but if anyone knows Mumford they know how hysterical he can be. "I Think I lost part of my beard..."

-While at the stadiums on Saturday, before the balloons, my friend Tyler and I tried to buy flyers tickets for the game against the Penguins. It failed, but on our way to jetro to meet up with some kids there was a bus of Penguins fans (fucking yinzers) holding up their jerseys in the windows and throwing up number one signs. Of course our response was to pretend like we we were jerking it towards there window and yelling fuck you. I should be in jail.

-And lastly, at about 11:30 PM on Saturday i fell asleep in my own lap only to wake up at 5:30 AM in a drunken stupor. My first thought; where am i? This was immediately followed up the realization that the Phillies had lost and I was barely conscious the whole time. Talk about depressed.

Now this was a fun weekend but i am pretty fucking superstitious when it comes to Pro Sports, especially in the playoffs. So im gonna blame that first Phillies loss on my drunkenness. From now on i will avoid a blackout when watching such an important game. I mean they did win last night and i only had a couple Sierra Nevadas. So it makes complete sense, right? right.

Okay enough of my personal ramblings for today. Maybe next time ill do some actual analysis of the sports instead of my own escapades.

Phuck Sobriety, Love Philly

Tim The Tin Man Johnson

EDIT- Here is the best picture we got of Rufio on the subway, credit to Kathleen Deitz

Doc and bats come up real short, and I obviously now hate Cody Ross and Brian Wilson

To err is human, to forgive is to be divine

Or something like that.

This loser named Cody Ross fucked my boys shit up last night, and that's not cool. I really thought Roy was gonna come in and dominate, but none of us are perfect. I just really wish our clutch hitting last night didn't look like this:

And another thing. The real Brian Wilson is responsible for this, not this

It just sucks cause it was game 1, which we'd won in every series since we got swept in 07. And it was at home, where we've felt invincible since September. I have confidence in the team tonight, Roy Oswalt will be impressive. I just hate feeling like this:

And now the Birds seem to be soothing our sorrows for the time being, as long as David Akers learns to kick a field goal. I don't really wanna talk about the Flyers game last night, I'm sure like me most people abandoned it as soon as the Phils started cause it was ugly. But hey, Temple AND the Union both won last night, and I consider them higher up on most Philadelphians' mind as above the Sixers.

Phuck Game 1, Love Philly

-Sean Martelly

Nice little poll on Espn. Thought it was pretty great. Enjoy



Phuck CC, Love Philly

Jorgen

Seniors OH 10?

High School Senior Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum

go up against H20 this week

Phuck Kids, Love Philly
Jorgen

Here we go again: Charlie quotes Flair, gets his ass Photoshopped

My hero Charlie Manuel addressed the media yesterday with some interesting comments. As has become a recent trend and will continue to haunt phuckyoulovephilly throughout the Phightins' postseason trip, HIS ASS GOT PHOTOSHOPPED. Hope you enjoy:

Check out the video of Cholly's comments here

Bigger-ish photo here

PHUCK THE FREAK, LOVE PHILLY

-Sean "rude boy boy boy" Martelli

First of many shitty photoshops to hit phuckyoulovephilly...

So it's a sad and rainy day here in Philly. NLCS doesn't start till Saturday and Simon Gagne takes the ice in a Tampa Bay Lightning jersey.

However, we've just received a special weather update from our high quality accuweather station located inside Temple University's TECH Center...

The rain you see outside is not rain at all....

IT'S ATTACK OF THE H2O MOLECULES!!!!!!!!!!!

Click here to see a better, bigger image, and to revel in all of my Photoshop glory

PHUCK RAIN, LOVE PHILLY

-sean martelli

What the Fuck Craig Robinson? and you too, SportsNation!

Just saw this new Nike BOOM commercial, featuring Craig Robinson and Robinson Cano

I actually like the BOOM campaign, especially Rick Ross' appearance in this one. I obviously have a problem with this one cause its pro-Jankee. But Craig, you're from Chicago. You star in and got your start in a show based in Scranton, PA. We all love you as Darryl from the Office and Matheson from Pineapple Express. I don't get why you have to go to the darkside like that. On a good note, I like the commercial for one reason. I, and probably most Philly fans/passionate ass fans, have found themselves in these such situations. Nice gala event, and you're supposed to act like you don't care about the playoff game being shown on mute in the corner. I remember watching Game 7 of the Flyers' 2004 Eastern Conference Finals while at my friends birthday party in a club box at the Wilmington Blue Rocks Single A Baseball Game. Don't hate me when I'm watchin my sports.

Also, I saw a Sportsnation check-in during Sportscenter. The two anchors (who's names I don't know, which isn't surprising considering they're the Sportsnation anchors) were arguing about whether or not Brett Favre's text message scandal bullshit is newsworthy or simply a "story worth reporting" due to its "sexiness" and "juiciness." Fuck that noise. They weren't even reporting news. They were going off of Charles Barkley's comments, which basically bashed the media for making this the biggest storyline in sports. Frankly, I agree with Mr. Barkley, even though he still owes me like $12,000 in loans from back in the day. AND THEY EVEN TOOK A VOTE ONE WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS A "STORY." Thankfully, "not a story" won 58%-42%.

PHUCK PHAVRE,
LOVE PHILLY

-Sean Martelli

NFL Season

Is this the weirdest NFL season in a long time? Or is it just me? No undefeated teams. The Cowboys and the Vikings are both 1-3 (thankfully). And there's no standout stars. I'm currently invested in a Fantasy League with my friends. I'm currently in a solid 7th out of 8 with a 2-3 record. I've got the second most points in the league, but can't seem to get a good matchup. Everyone is equal and it's because of the equality of teams in the NFL. So I just wanted to point out a few things.

Teams with Problems

THE 49'ers- Don't worry. They claim they're gonna win the NFC West. Yeah, sure. And I shit Babe Ruth autographed baseballs. If your gonna make that kind of a claim win a fucking game. The West is full of inept teams who seem to get big wins one week, then blow an easy one the next. Frank Gore and Vernon Davis are the only players on their team that have impressed me. You guys beat yourselves on turnovers, bad defense, bad play calling and decisions, and poorer execution. Stop kicking your own ass and we might believe you.

Vikings- Nothing gives me greater pleasure than watching them lose games. Especially when they could have won them. Let us all agree that Brett Favre is a piece of shit pervert who can't keep his cock in his pants. Brad Childress will obviously do anything to save his job. Randy Moss, who wanted out of Minnesota when he was traded to the Raiders, was unhappy and unwanted on the high-power Patriots. Why would you bring him back? He's a god damn head case. You guys are on the fast track to being the worst team in the NFC North.

Cowboys- I almost hate "the Boys" as much as the Vikings. A bunch of stuck up, overpaid, assholes, coached by a wuss, playing for the biggest asshole- Jerry Jones. Let's get a new stadium. Then we'll get to the Superbowl and have a home field advantage. Not. Shut yo mouth! Tony Homo is the most overrated player in football. Your defense is old. You ain't. Going nowhere. You will be stopped now. Your Cowboys for life.

Green Bay- It's hard to talk bad about my own team. Yes I'm not an Eagles fan. But the Pack, who were considered a legitimate contender, are now ruined with injuries. Nick Barnett and Ryan Grant out for the season. Grant is more of a blow to them since he rushed for 1,200 yards the past two seasons (with a horrific O-line). Jermichael Finley, who has become Rodgers' new favorite target, is out 3 weeks for surgery. Donald Lee, Finley's backup is out for 2 weeks. Rodgers suffered a concussion on the last play of the Redskins game and may miss the next game. I couldn't even tell you our backup's name. But Clay Matthews has a good shot at being the Defensive Player of the Year if he stays healthy. C'mon guys. Get it together.

Teams with Potential

Detroit- Yeah they suck right? Well I see them as a team who will be jumping up the ranks soon. Matthew Stafford who? Shaun Hill has turned into a great replacement. Maybe better than Stafford. Calvin Johnson is finally getting receptions. Jahvid Best looked like a beast before he hurt his toe. They gave the Eagles, Chicago and Green Bay a good scare. And racked up 44 on the Rams. We should look at the stats. Other than their defense, they ain't bad.

Texans- Schaub has been up and down but it's hard to argue with 4,000 passing yards last season. Arian Foster is possibly the best back in the league. If they can get it together they might win an all 3-2 AFC south.

Chiefs- I'm still not a believer, but I'm getting there. They beat a helpless looking Charger's team who can't win even if Philip Rivers throws for 400 yards weekly. Then a bad Browns team and handily beat the woeful Niner's. But they looked pretty pathetic against the Colts. Four field goals no TD's. Their defense is real but I'm still waiting for Cassel to prove he's a playoff able QB.

Eagles- As long as Vick comes back healthy and ready to run they'll win the East. No team in that division looks like they have their shit together. Their O-line looks pretty shitty so far, but with Vick at the helm they don't need to be. They're young and they want to win. Bad. They wanna prove the national media wrong. And with good reason. Fuck McNabb. Philly's fans are great. Hopefully they won't suffer any more injuries. Now if they only knew how to call a play on third down.

Well thats about all I can say now. I'll leave you with one thing. WHY THE FUCK DO THEY EVEN HAVE A PRO BOWL? Have you ever watched it? Ten minutes of it? It's boring, means nothing, and they players don't care. Either put it before the Superbowl or give it a purpose. Hawaii here she comes.

Oh yeah? Does anyone loves the Cigar guy as much as me?

Phuck the Vikings, Love Philly

Jorgen Fucking Eriksen

Put the Cell Phone Away Brett!

If this man sent you a picture message would you open it? I would probably go and file a police report, but first I would run to TMZ and try and sell the story.

To the news...

Whats so great about starting this blog, for me at least, is I get to feel like Jon Stewart. He get's to sit and watch the media all day, more specifically Foxnews, witness the train wreck and then expose them as fucking idiots. Before phuckyoulovephilly began, when i would watch ESPN it was kind like I was one of those awesome teabaggers cheering on Glen Beck. Anything they fed me I would just take because there really isn't another legit Sports network. Now when i watch its a whole different ball game, everything they do is hilarious.

Like last night, when I was watching after Monday Night Football, they broke out this breakthrough in science called "The Panic Meter." Basically it measures whether the Vikings and Cowboys should start running around their practice facility screaming for there lives because of their 1-3 records. Great coverage. What makes no sense to me about the situation is that ESPN is the one that hyped the living hell out of these two teams over the off-season, and now their going to tell them to fucking panic? what a joke! Plus I found out Trent Dilfer is a San Francisco Giants fan, also a joke. Which reminds me....

As much as he looks like a twelve-year-old and the kid from dazed and confused, this guy scares the hell out of me. He could easily come in and cancel out another ridiculous Roy Halladay start in Game one. Then they could throw Jonathan Sanchez who could be dominant in game 2. He has a 2-0 record with a 1.38 ERA against the Phils this year and has the stuff to shut them down. With that said, even if those guys came in a shut us down how the hell are they gonna score a run? H2O just shut down the best hitting team in the national league and now they go up against the worst hitting team in the playoffs whose best hitter is this guy. They really don't stand a chance, sorry Trent. Phils in 5.

I'm pissed I still haven't written a Flyers post, especially with the home opener last night, but there time will come. Meanwhile Giroux is still doing his thing.

Tin Johnson

Ladies and Gentlemen, Colbert Michael Hamels

The dude absolutely killed it tonight. Good to sweep the Reds, that's not the kind of team to challenge us, plus our red jerseys are way cooler and FUNNER than theirs. And just tell me that doesn't look joyous...

And the team's gesture of congratulations to Cole as he enters the clubhouse, probably led by Jayson Werth's drunk ass...

And the dude gets to go home and fuck Heidi Hamels tonight...

On a lighter note, did anyone see this virtual strike zone bullshit that TBS was employing (PitchTrax I believe)?

I'm pretty sure it was only on the HD feed, but personally it was distracting, annoying, and took away from the game. These aren't the kind of ways that I, personally, think technology should be helping the game. I shudder at the notion of it being used like "challenges" in football. I know it's just for the viewers on TV, but how soon till umpires are obsolete, replaced by cameras and sensors (e.g. tennis). Thank god the NLCS gets the Fox feed. I can actually say I'm looking forward to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, if only just to get rid of this bullshit PitchTrax. Aw fuck, who am I kidding? I hate Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

BUT HEY, WE'RE GOING TO OUR THIRD FUCKING STRAIGHT LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES!

8 more wins

FUCK TBS, LOVE PHILLY

-Sean Martelly

What a Boner!



Jay Bruce catching some air.

Phils Win Behind Reds' Suckiness, Ultey's ODDyssey.

How bout that 7th inning?

A few years ago, Joe Blanton called Chase Utley the number one player he'd build a team around. "He walks, hit-by-pitch, he grinds out at-bats. He's a clutch hitter, steals bases, plays great defense. He's a competitor. I've never played with somebody quite like him," Blanton said.

Fast forward to Friday night. Utley blows that double play, brings in a run. Verrrrrry un-Ut. Next thing you know we're down 4-0, and I'm reminiscing about Cole Hamels' terrible game 2 last year in the NLDS, leading to us having to battle it out at Coors for 2 more games. But I forgot we were playing the Reds.

First of all, they're jerseys were really pissing me the fuck off last night. I mean, why is Cinc on one side and Innatti on the other?

I'm no design expert, but this just seems off. But oh yeah, this is Ohio we're

talking about...

Anyways, the game. Utley is basically the embodiment of the team last night. Screws up in the beginning. Comes back, gets that bases loaded hit, cuts the lead in half. Then, things get interesting. Ardolis Chapman is that one pitcher on the Reds staff that is really supposed to scare the Phils, he shuts down lefties and will certainly do the same to us. But then he let one of those 100+ fastballs get a little to close to ball (and babe) magnet Chase Utley. As he is so used to doing, the man takes his base. Did it hit him???!!!?!? Who knows? Who cares? The game went on, no going back. Was he safe at second???!!!?!? Who knows, who cares? Did he touch third base???!!!?!? Etc etc etc, I won't bore you. All I know is at Chickie's and Pete's (where my white ass watched the game), whenever he does something utterly amazing (see what I did there with the whole "ut" thing???), they play one of my favorite Harry Kalas quotes of all time...check around the one minute mark

Anyways, we got it done. We looked terrible in the beginning. Oswalt just didn't have it. But we made it a win. See, that's the difference between us and Cincy. We've been here four straight years. We know how to just get away with postseason wins. And yet, we did it in style. And oh yeah, a little help from Jay Bruce and the stadium lights, although I'm more inclined to believe J-roll saying it was the rally towels, cause that's way more badass. In my mind, the crowd was not gonna accept a loss at home to the Reds, and simply had to intervene and get the job done. Just another reason why Phillies phans might just be the coolest and most attractive people in the world. Like these three fine individuals.

I've already probly written too much, but here's the sign off. Cole is gonna show up in Cincy on Sunday, and he ain't letting them anywhere near this series. Bring the brooms. And let San Fran and ATL duke it out at Turner Field all week. I'm not scared of either of them in the slightest. I mean, Lincecum eats his own snot. Seriously.

9 more wins baby. PHUCK YEAHH

PHUCK YOU, LOVE PHILLY

-Sean Martelli

How the Hell Did We Get Here

This probably should have been the first entry but I think everyone should know how we got to this point. Like most of my stories in college the real motivator was a forty ounce of delicious malt liquor.

While a Hurricane instigated the move, it wasn't the cause. For about as long as ive been in school Ive been skipping by barely giving a damn. Yeah an 'A' is nice and all, but when you can get a B or C while mailing it in and boozin everyday thats the route for me (sorry mom.) The actual in class learning i can live without but in the profession of writing you should probably get some works published if you want any chance of landing a job. Other than writing for the my distinguished High School newspaper, where I would literally make up quotes to put in using my friend's names, some by phuckyoulovephilly's own Sean Martelli, i haven't done a goddamn thing outside of a classroom. I just figured it would happen one day.

This is where our Friend Mr. Forty re-enter's the story. After witnessing Roy Halladay do something ridiculous Wednesday night, something Mike Schmidt called the greatest moment in philly sports history (are you telling me if von hayes walked in right now you wouldn't know who he is?) I was filled with a little bit of gusto. It figures it would take the second post season no-hitter EVER to get me motivated, but what's a stoner to do. While reveling in the glory and mid-way through my four loco the conversation with my boys Jorgen and Sean turned to a blog.

The idea was simple; a vulgar fuck you to the mainstream media. Throw out all the bullshit you hear everyday and give honest and totally biased opinions on sports. Because isn't that what its all about? You got your team and you want them to win no matter what and anyone in the way is your enemy. There is no logic to the madness. I dont want fucking Trent Dilfer telling me I'm a bad person because I'm gonna boo Donovan Mcnabb in his return to the linc. Trent I had no idea you were dating Matt Hasselbeck....

And just so you know I was actually cheering Mcnabb from my couch when he came back thank you very much. Even if I did boo I don't want my sports coverage to give me a fucking moral lesson because of it. I don't cheer or boo for teams and players because Ive come to a conclusion logically, i do it because I'm from Philadelphia and all I want is for them to win a championship.

Maybe all this is unique to Philly or maybe unique to my friends and I. But once Sean came up with the title there was no fucking way we weren't gonna start this site. If you agree with us at all and want a laugh or two along the way then keep reading. Even if the writing sucks you can still see Claude score sick goals.

Tin Johnson

2008 Champions- A night to remember

I don't know about any of you, but I think this might be the most beautiful picture I've ever seen. Sure you can see his sack peeking out from under his coat. And I don't usually condone the burning of trash (come on it's bad for the earth). But goddamn when can you ever get away with that shit?! Well apparently you just have to win a couple baseball games.
If you're not from Philly you might not realize that's city hall behind him. But the majesty that was this night was all started by a team who represent this city- we're scrappy, intimidating, and tough. Fuck all that ESPN shit abouthow were the worst fans in sports. We care. More than we care about our school, our jobs, maybe even our family. If you're playing us, we hate you. If you're not, we probably still do. And with good reason. But I digress.
This night, which is one of the greatest nights of my life, was something I wish everyone could have experienced. I've never had a team win it all. Never felt what it was like to be "World Fucking Champions!" I can remember when Brad Lidge struck out Hinske I jumped out of my seat, threw my arms up, and couldn't say a word. I didn't know what to do, what to say, or even how I felt. It was like a dream. Like that hadn't just happened. I stood there in awe and thought about the history that I had just witnessed. Then all of a sudden I was brought back to reality with the hundreds of screaming freshman in the dorms. We all grabbed our shit.
When we got outside there was about a thousand kids already running down Broad Street to Center City. I've never seen so many happy people in my life. And I was one of them. I was unified with each and every one of them. I ran the whole way there, giving high-fives to the few drivers who's cars that were still on the street, yelling at the top of my lungs, and enjoying every second of it.Cars were flipped, bus stations destroyed, taxis run over, and of course, riot cops harrassed.

What ensued that night was the most beautiful destruction I will ever see. I don't expect it to ever be that way again but it may come close. Anyway, we set to get under way with Oswalt on the mound. He's been the man since we got him. Off the top of my head I think 7-1 with an under 2 ERA. Lets show these Reds what Pete Rose knew. They gonna have to cheat to win.

Jorgen- Fuck Me, Gotta Love Philly

Fly Guys Start Against Pens Tonight. In Other News, ESPN Continues to Suck

Because everyone knows, when the puck drops tonight at the brand new Consol Energy Center, it's gonna be Sidney Crosby facing off with just some Flyer guy, or maybe that's just Dan Carcillo modeling the Flyers new name-less away jerseys. Nothing pisses us off more than the shameless cock-sucking by mainstream news and sports outlets of Sidney Crosbaby, that is IF he has a cock. Besides, we got rid of those stupid Reebok away jerseys, and brought in the full throwback look, as seen looking pimp on our boys Ritchie, Zherdev, and Harty.

I digress. The boys get under way tonight at 7 in Shittsburgh, Versus on the tube. Also in play, the PHILLY UNION look to fuck up Landon Donovan and David Beckham's bitch asses, as the L.A. Galaxy visit PPL Park in Chester at 8 (ESPN 2 BITCHESSS).

FUCK YOU ESPN, LOVE PHILLY

Nick Swisher: World's Biggest Douche Bag

I honestly considered just leaving this picture up without writing anything. It seems this faux-hawked, tribal tatted, loser can embarrass himself just as long as someone has a camera pointed at him. But it really cant hurt to point out the finer points of his toolness.

You ever go to one of those frat parties where there's a dude in a pink polo using his drunkenness as an excuse to be ridiculously loud and annoying? Well thats Mr. Swisher here on a daily basis. His life is a sad attempt to make himself look cool and oh god is it hard to watch. Im sure all you philly fans know and love Shane Victorino. He's quirky, out-going, and the funny guy in the dugout and he does this all with little or no effort. Its just how he is. When Swisher makes his lame attempt to gain these characteristics its painfully obvious, almost like a six year old desperately trying to look cool in front of his older brother.

I can just see him know in the Yankees clubhouse... "Hey! Hey! A rod check this new tattoo i got! i have a fucking MOHAWK! i'm the most fucking outgoing guy in major league baseball. YEAH."

Just like T.O. and Ochocinco he's attached to this strange thought that he deserves to be in the entertainment industry just because he is an athlete. I know it was only a short appearance on "How I Met Your Mother," but i can just see him re-watching it over and over thinking to himself, man i was fucking GOOD in those two seconds., i should do a movie...

On a side not, I don't know about everyone else but OJ in Naked Gun and Jordan in Space Jam are the only two athlete to actor moves that are respectable. Nah fuck respectable lets say awesome.

A lot of my hate for Swisher probably can be attributed to his engagement to Joanna Garcia. She's fucking hot. But that probably wouldn't be that big a deal if his ego wasn't as big as his goddamn ridiculous hair cut (is there an easier way to spot a tool than a mohawk?).

Plus, he looks like that kind of guy who likes Nickleback. Just saying...