Heading Home for the Hollidays

Last night I found myself back in the cozy landscape of southern Chester counties' Landenberg Pennsylvania, with some good friends (Dave you smell like shit) and a case of Keystone Light. Finally back where I belong. After spending months in the dreary hell of robberies and wide-spread littering in North Philadelphia it was good to post up with a beer and hang out with people i really had missed, without the sound scape of police sirens providing a backdrop. Yeah there were some epic times spent at Temple University this fall semester, but if it has taught me anything its that the suburbs are my home-home and my second home of Philadelphia exists somewhere south of Fairmount street.

So whats the fucking point Tim?

Well that's a good question imaginary reader I've given a voice. The answer is Clifford Phyfer Lee.

At some point in your life you have to realize where you belong. We all spend some time in our lives in places we realize we probably never should of been, but that's part of the journey. You just better realize where the best place is. After Lee was traded away last year hes quoted as saying he never wanted to leave. Even said he wanted to finish his career here. Nevertheless he was a Mariner in the shitty weather of Seattle which was never a real fit for that Down-Home southern boy. Then the Rangers pulled a Phillies and went and picked him up in mid-July and rode him all the way to the World Series. At this point i really thought he was going to be a Texan for his whole career. The Phils had scorned him and traded him to Northwestern hell and now he had a team similar to them and was much closer to his home in Arkansas. But as the offseason began, thanks to the great hype and misguided reporting of ESPN, everyone KNEW he was going to be a Yankee. I mean they always get their man right? Who would want to be the idiot who didn't go to "greatest city on earth" and get paid the most money they could possibly get paid? It was so obvious that everyone, including myself, completely wrote off the team that he said he cared so much about. And you know what Cliff Lee did? He did what was best for him--unbelievable in this day of free agency and ridiculous amounts of guaranteed money.

Now don't get me wrong Lee is no Mother Theresa; the guy is getting paid 120 million over 5 years. But the amount of money he left on the table is enough to make Bill Gates shake his head. I really think he was channeling Winona Ryder in Mr. Deeds, "Anything over one billion is just gravy." And you know what, now that i type that, its kind of true. Especially when your sacrificing where you want to be and ultimately your happiness for a boat of gravy.

Also, just for a second, imagine that Lee has signed that contract we offered him last summer before we let him go. Do you think we then would have gone and gotten Roy Halladay the same day? Do you think that Cole Hamels would of had the same transformation he did last year? Would Ruben Amaro Jr then have gone out and picked up Roy Oswalt at the trade deadline? It's hard to say and its probable that some moves would have been made but the trade and signing journey that the Phillies pitching staff has had over the past year is remarkable and leaves them with one of the best pitching staffs of all time. Oh my.



I know Philadelphia and the whole country is reeling from this news but everyone remember to watch the Flyers and Shittsburgh Penguins tonight in the best matchup of the NHL season thus far. The Penguins are on a 12 game winning streak and the winner or this game will have not only the most points in the Atlantic Division but the entire league. Boucher vs. Fleury in net.

We love you Cliff Lee, Love Philadelphia


Tin Johnson

No Clever Title Needed: PHIGHTINS SIGN CLIFF LEE

Four Aces aka Royal Flush

Roy Ha-Lee-Day

R2C2

FOUR LOKO

Whatever the fuck you call it, we just signed Cliff Lee for 5 years, $120 million. He turned down 7 years $134 million from the Yankees. Yes folks, he turned down the money from the Junkees and took a paycut to play in Philly. This is probably the most badass and amazing thing to happen in Philadelphia free agency history ever. They're supposed to bolt from Philly for money.

Right Jayson?

Right, Scott?

Right, J.D.?

Right, Curt?

Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, and Cole Hamels.

more to come...

PHUCK THE YANKEES, LOVE PHILLY

Sean, Jorgen, and Tim

P.s. I totally believe he dissed NY partly because their fans SPIT ON HIS WIFE. How's karma taste, Yankee fans???

Mad Shit is Happenin!

The Birds handled the Boys on Sunday Night Football, fucking national TV's ass up for the third straight time. Had a little trouble in the 3rd, but DeSean "stung their asses" and LeSean put the game away late with some great runs. Stewart Bradley dislocated his elbow, and is likely out for the season, a rough break for our already rough defense. If anyone caught Vick's postgame interview with NBC's blonde bitch after the game, it was ridiculous to say the least. D-Jack was just standin behind him, throwing up the number 7 and talking about how much he loves Vick. Vick felt obligated to sing Jackson's praises as well, and it came off like two dudes who love each other just tellin the other dude how much they love each other, in like, a football way, ya know? Our three remaining games are @ NYG, and home vs. the Vikes and the Cowgirls again. Lookin like we could and should run the table. And with the tiebreaker over the Falcons, well, I'll just shut up now.

The Sixers beat the Hornets, having won 5 of their last 7 (including a 1 point loss to Boston). It may have been ugly, but the Sixers will take all they can get these days.

Al Golden, Temple's Football coach for 5 years, has bolted for Miami. It's a big opportunity for Golden, who rescued our program from shambles and has put together some winning seasons and bowl games. It sucks that he's leaving, but he did a lot for the University and has the talent to do big things at a big program like Miami. Fuck those ACC assholes up, Al.

Speaking of Temple, the BBall boys took care of Akron 82-47. Their last few big wins, like that one over No. 9 Georgetown, should get em back into the top 25 this week.

In other Philly BBall, Villanova held off La Salle for a 84-81 victory. They struggled early, only shooting 1 of 15 to start. If they pull that shit against the Owls, we gotta make em pay. Lookin forward to that Dec. 30th game.

The Flyers play the Yinzer Pens tomorrow night. The two hot teams face off in South Philly at 7.

Lolz, it looks like they're holding handz

PHUCK JERRY JONES, LOVE PHILLY

Bawn Chilliam Scott, aka the only one done with finals

We haven't posted in a while

BUT IT'S FUCKING FINALS WEEK AND SHIT.

We're either handlin our shit or boozin to forget about handlin our shit. But there has been some news.

Flyers had a great OT victory last night over those Broons in Boston. Richie beats Tim Thomas with the no look wrister with 3 seconds left. We currently poop on their building. First time back since, well, ya know....(miss ya Simon)

Birds Boys Sunday Night

Temple beat #9 Georgetown

The North Philly Blackhawks won their Pop Warner National Championship. North Philly get it in. Actually a feel good story, cause Nutter and the Eagles both stepped in to fund the team's trip. Disney would be all over this shit if it wasn't a bunch of poor black kids from North Philly, unfortunately.

PHUCK TD BANK BOSTON GARDEN (REGIS PHILBIN IS A MENTAL PATIENT), LOVE PHILLY

Mr. M

An American Wolf in Washington: Why Jayson Werth Took his Beard and Fled to Washington

· Lets just say ten shots of tequila and a case of Schlitz is never a good way to celebrate the first day of Free Agency

· The cheesesteaks were going straight to his thighs.

· Wanted to thank Obama for giving him and his $126 million salary a tax cut.

· Now when he’s playing leftfield he doesn’t have to deal with all those annoying fans talking and cheering the whole time.

· The whole playing games all the way through October was becoming a pain in the ass. It’s just way too cold.

· Accidently took the Broad Street line all the way to Erie and saw North Philadelphia for the first time.

· He had spent four years desperately trying to understand what bumbling Charlie Manuel was saying and just gave up.

· Was sick of being on a team where he was just as good as a short, chubby, Panamanian who can barely speak English.

· The Political scene was just too corrupt for him here.

· Hell, if Pat Burrell can leave and win a World Series anyone can.

· Had no idea it was Phillies fans that were cheering him whenever they were playing in D.C.

· After winning his second Cy Young Roy Halladay picked up batting and was slowly becoming a better hitter than he was.

· No one has had facial hair that epic in Washington since William Taft.

· Donovan McNabb was getting lonely.

· Fear of the Kensington strangler was becoming too much for him

· $126 million can buy a lot of cars, women and cable packages to watch the Phillies in the playoffs for the next seven years.

-Tin Johnson

J-Werth gettin his D-Nabb on, heading to DC

I'm sure you've all heard by now, but Jayson Werth signed with the WASHINGTON FUCKING NATIONALS on a 7 year, $126 Million contract. He's 31. And now he's gonna be on the Nats for seven years. Have fun with Obama and McNabb, asshole. More on this later.

P.S. i just had a mind blowing realization. he has to play us 126 times over 7 years, and is getting paid $126 million over 7 years. TRIP he's gettin a cool million to lose to us every time.

PHUCK PHINALS, LOVE PHILLY

sean

Sid "the favored baby child" Crosby

If you told me a year ago that i would start an ill humored blog regarding sports and through the first fifty posts I would write nothing about the Sidney "the bitch" Crosby--as he is fondly referred to everywhere except Pittsburgh-- well I'd say stop predicting the future and your fucking crazy.

Its time for that to end.

Last night in a matchup between two Atlantic Division foes, the Rangers and Penguins, Crosby got away with bloody murder. Ryan Callahan and Crosby were skating down the ice entangled, when Sidney sweeps his foot under Callahan and trips him (see below for video). This is called a slewfoot and a penalty in the NHL rule book, but according to referee Brad Watson this was clearly an interference penalty on Callahan. Im really not one for shortening phrases into acronyms but, WTF???

Whats even more disgraceful is Sid's post game quote. It is referencing a quote earlier in which Rangers Forward Brandon Dubinsky called him a dirty player

"How many penalty minutes do I have this year if I'm that dirty?" said Crosby, who has 15, including a tripping penalty Monday. "I mean, please. Show me all those dirty plays. It's a battle and he falls. I think Dubie has done his fair share of things out there that are questionable. I guess he's talking again. I'm not surprised."

Now i like Dubinsky's moxy but he simply made the wrong claim. He should of just said, "this fucking guy gets away with so much shit its unreal. How does the NHL and Referee Association continue to let this happen??" Then Crosby couldn't site his lack of penalty minutes as a cop-out. In fact his lack of penalty minutes is more of a sign of the cheap stuff this guy constantly gets away with. He doesn't dive as much as used too but that is not what is infuriating about him. In fact ill just make a list of what is.

1.)In post game interviews he takes himself WAY to seriously. The only thing that makes Alex Ovechkin somewhat tolerable to me is he sees Hockey for what it is--a game. When Crosby does his post game interview he talks as if he is a prince describing how he won a recent chess match. He just carries this aura of, "Im fucking better than everyone else." Go out and smile after a win and be pissed after you lose, dont be an emotionless puppet.

2.) He lived with Mario Lemieux till he was 21. Now this is just sad. Most NHL teams have a employee who stays with younger players and helps guide them, but when your living with the team owner for three years it says something completely different. Lemieux wanted to craft Sid's public image and to make sure he didn't get any trouble. This pretty much means Lemieux has been Sid's mom for three years. I can just see him asking Lemieux permission to go out. "Hey Mario I was thinking maybe I could go and hang out with evgeni tonight. He just got a wii and i was wondering if i could sleep over..." Of course that was a lie. Once he got there Malkin would buttfuck Crosby for hours.

3.) He owns the Flyers. Ill admit it, most of my hate is borne from his dominance in Philadelphia. Although, for the record, I think that will come to an end this season.

4.) He is the only NHL player to get any airtime in commercials or Sportscenter. The other week he 'magically' shot a puck off the side boards in a shoot for a reebok commercial. It was the ONLY play that hockey got that day on Sportscenter. This a joke especially considering that almost all NHL players could do this. Plus this is way more impressive.

5.) Pittsburgh. Enough said.

I could probably go on, but writing this much about a player that embodies everything i hate about sports is depressing. Anyhow I will be attending the 76ers game tonight, my first one ever believe it or not. So look for me on TV ill be one of the five people in the stands. Im the white one.

Phuck SIDNEY CROSBY love philly

Tanner Johannsen

Thanksgiving Break a.k.a. Gettin' My White Person On

How was yer break?

I spent mine doing all things honky.

Thursday started off as any Thanksgiving should, with the annual Martelli-Eriksen Family Turkey Bowl. It was a rainy one, but I persevered with a solid TD catch, and it was a great game.

Then of course came the food. My pops grilled a turkey that was brined in lemon and earl grey tea. Shit was juicy and delicious. Jorgen's pops hit up the traditional style, and it was fuckin awesome too. Everything else was stellar.

The nightcap was the newest Thanksgiving tradition, a.k.a. the Gobbler Classic at First State Lanes. That's right folks, late night cosmic red pin bowling, complete with friends, pitchers, farts, shitty pop music videos, and a solid personal average of 133.6 over 5 games.

Friday was pretty hungover. The only way to cure that was to booze down in Newark. Which is actually a pretty fun place when all those asshole UD students aren't there.

Saturday I went on a hike up in the Granogue/Brandywine Valley with some cousins and aunts and uncles, probably my whitest moment all weekend. Nature fuckin rules. Followed that up by watching Crazy Heart with my parents. Sounds lame, but Jeff Bridges fuckin kills it, and that movie almost had me in tears. Almost, Maggie. Fuck, even Colin Farrell was good!

Anyways, it's Sunday now. FOOTBALL IS ON. Watchin this Pack-Falcons game. A-Rodg is killin it, except that fumble in the end zone. First of two big NFC matchups this week, with the Birds and Bears duking it out at 4 in ChiCity. That's right, the four top teams clashing today (ATL 8-2, PHI-GB-CHI 7-3). This Eagles game is gonna be intense, our offense needs to go buckwild, and our secondary needs to hold strong without Asante (although I dig this new dude Dimitri Patterson).

Hope everyone enjoyed their break, see you Temple bitches back in the Ghetto tomorrow. I've had it enough with this cracker Wilmington stuff.

PHUCK WHITE PEOPLE SHIT, LOVE PHILLY

-Seansy

Guess whose back with a lot of F-Bombs?

wow this whole site looks completely different from the last time I posted. Props to Sean Martelli for keeping this site looking clean and updating while I wallow in my own laziness. Too Jorgen as well.

Anyway, my last post was a hardcore hype article on the orange and black. It was only natural that right after i pressed that publish button they had their winning streak snapped and lost a couple of games. This is a perfect example, by the way, of why i am so superstitious. So I'm going to refer back to this the next time I make a ridiculous statement regarding knocking on wood and the outcome of a game. But, Overall the Flyers are still playing good hockey, we're just not as scorching hot. Last night was a big "fuck Canadians your only good for your beer" win. Its important to not let the Montrealians... Montrealites... Montre... whatever, those who live in Montreal, get an edge over us. They are a talented team and are way better than the squad we beat in the Eastern Conference Finals last year. Carey Price is finally living up to his Canadian borne nickname of Jesus Christ--Holy shit do they take hockey seriously up north--and the possible scrutiny he faced after the Habs traded away playoff hero Jaroslav Halak. But the main reason this is a big win? I hate seeing that little fucking twerp PK Subban look so smug. This guy reminds me of the neighborhood kid that's 5 years younger than everyone else but just wont shut up about how good he is and how much he wants to play with the older kids. We get it. Your young, evergetic and just a pain in the ass. Take a lesson from Richie and talk with your play not your overly rambunctious mouth.

In other news that makes me absolutely giddy, the Miami Heat are 8-6 and got blown out by the Indiana Pacers last night. HA. doesn't that just sound awesome? And you know what Lebron's brilliant insight to the situation? "we're not having fun right now." HA. This isn't your high school basketball team Lebron. You can't just meet up with two good friends who are talented and "fun" your way to an NBA championship. Seriously I know this guy is only 25 years old but he really hasn't matured past fucking high school. The only good thing is now ESPN's Heat Index is even more of a joke than ever. I give it a month before they rename the page "heat panic meter" and start pointing out their mistakes like they hadn't spent the last 5 months hyping this team. Goddamn it ESPN I'm sick of your analysis.

The final tidbit is a shout out to the spectrum. As I type this sentence they are setting up a wrecking ball in South Philadelphia to take down one of the cities most historic buildings (Fuck you Independence Hall). I really only went to Phantoms games at the stadium and saw some other events but it was always cool being there. Favorite memory would have to be seeing the John Stevens and the Phantoms win the Calder Cup in 1996, which is minuscule on the scale of all time Spectrum moments but too a seven year old kid it was unbelievable.

We will miss you Spectrum, i'm sure your way better suited as a motel and parking garage. Although The stadiums are gonna be a lot more fun in a few years.

Fuck Hoodrats being allowed in your house, Love Philly

Tin Johnson

Weekend Recap: Iggles take over first place, Flyers win in shootout, Denzel Washington is EVERYWHERE

Da Eagles pulled off an impressive win to take command of first place in the NFC East last night over the rival Giants. I was at the game, and the stadium was pretty intense. The team did have some weaknesses, like dropped balls, bad penalty calls, and bad play calls, but the defense held strong and the offense scored when it needed to. We proved we're in the discussion for best in the NFC. Vick had 258 yds throwing and 34 rushing, with a rushing TD. LeSean McCoy turned in a great performance, running for 111 yards, none better than his 50 yard, game sealing TD on 4th and 1 with just over 4 minutes left in the game. It seemed like we weren't getting any calls our way, until that dumbass Eli handed us the game with that bonehead fumble.

The D forced 4 fumbles, recovered 2, and intercepted Eli three times, although Asante fumbled it away on one of the returns.

Shady McCoy running for his 50 yard score in the 4th Quarter

Jason Avant reels in the ensuing 2 point conversion

LOLz

The Flyers pulled off a solid win in Washington with a 5-4 shootout win. Boucher was in net, and the goals came from Giroux, Richards, Carter, and Nodl. Briere buried his shootout turn, and Boucher stopped Semin, Backstrom, and Ovechkin. Good victory, although they did go 1-9 on PowerPlay opportunities.

They also traded forwards Pat Maroon and David Laliberte to Anaheim for former Flyer Danny Syrvet (who scored our only goal in the Winter Classic last season) and prospect Rob Bordson.

The Flyers face off against the Canadiens tonight at 7 at the Wells Fargo Center, and I'd love to see some Philly revenge for that shitty 3-0 loss last week in Montreal.

Also, did anyone else love seeing the Vikings arguing on the sideline and all around shitting the bed against the Pack? The crowd chanting "Fire Childress" in the 4th quarter was especially sad.

Today, Joey Votto got named NL MVP with all but one first place vote. Halladay finished 6th, Werth 8th, Howard 10th, and Ruiz 17th. Gotta love Chooch gettin in there.

And if you saw any of us three writers (or Chronor, J-Dolla, and Tyrone) on Saturday night/Sunday morning, you know it was a great time. Denzel Photoshop to follow later in the week.

PHUCK NATIONAL TELEVISION FOR THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW, LOVE PHILLY

-Sean

Wild One in South Philly

The Flyers dropped their first home loss in 11 games in an 8-7 blitzkrieg last night at the WF Center against the TB Lightning. The goals came early and often, with the Flyers getting two early goals from Andreas Nodl and Nikolay Zherdev. The score at the end of the first was 5-4, one goal shy of the NHL record. And all nine goals were by different players. Weird game start to finish. The Lightning pulled their keeper in the first period, and Bob was pulled for Bouch not too long after. The goalies just weren't saving anything, as each team tallied just over 30 shots each.

Flyers are back in action Saturday at 7 in Washington. Let's fuck that Russian asshole again. Nevermind, that sounded real gay.

PHUCK TEAMS NAMED AFTER WEATHER, LOVE PHILLY

Shaun

Shameless Self Promotion

We went ahead and created a Facebook page.

Featuring more real time updates and links to this page, it won't be replacing our blogspot, only enhancing it. Like us, and check this site for longer, better stories. Unless you like your news in the form of FB statuses. And if that's true, then you're an asshole and the downfall of our generation <3

PHUCK SOCIAL MEDIA, LOVE PHILLY

Coy Yalladay

Halladay unanimously won the NL Cy Young today. I know most of you expected it but it's still pretty awesome. He is one of five pitches to ever win a Cy in both leagues.
Halladay went 21-10 with a 2.44 ERA and 219 strikeouts. His 21 wins were tied fot tops in the MLB. His ERA and strikeouts were a solid fifth. But perhaps what impressed me most this year was his Innings pitched (250.2), good for most, and his WHIP (1.04) which was only behind Cliff Lee and Roy Oswalt (1.00 and 1.03). He was a workhorse for the Phillies who won the most games in the league.
He will be feature>d on the cover of MLB 2K11. And with good reason. Roy pitched a perfect game against the Marlins on May 29th of this year. It was the second of the season and 20th in history. He also pitched a no-hitter against the Reds in the postseason- only the second in Major League history. Did you see his fucking ring?Pretty Badass. I didn't even know they gave out rings. I it's H2O but he's Coy Yalladay to me. At least until someone beats him next year. If they do. Oh yeah check it out. It looks legit.


Phuck Hits, Love Philly

J

Did anyone else get this email?

How do you say this nicely?

No, Florida Panthers, I would not like to come to your arena in South Florida to see the Flyers play. Even with discounted tickets. That's what the Wells Fargo Center is for. Get your own fans interested in your hockey team. I would probably just be rude and obnoxious anyways, and be yelling about how much I hate Martin St. Louis and Vincent Lecavlier, until I realized I was at that other shitty Florida hockey teams home ice.

Reports on a great night to be a Philly fan!

It was supposed to start like this:

But instead it started like this:

Then this:

Some more glamour shots from the night:

88 yard TD throw on the first play from scrimmage.

28 points in the first quarter (Largest lead for a road team after one quarter in NFL history), 45 at half.

Vick was the first QB to throw for 300+ yards throwing, 4+ throwing TDs, 2+ rushing TDs, 50+ rushing yards.

There's more.

The Birds annihilated the Redskins 59-28 tonight. It was a stupid, ridiculous performance by Michael Vick (read stats above). And he still hasn't thrown a INT since that whole jail thang. Dude went off tonight, just in time to ruin THIS. We pooped on their defense, Vick looked like he was on gear 5 with the Skins D stuck in first. Our D didn't play spectacular, but they got the job done, allowing ZERO THIRD DOWN CONVERSIONS by Donny and the Mighty Skins Offense. Our recievers were catching everything, guys like Jerome Harrison stepped up and had great games, and overall the team played as good as the Ducks after they changed jerseys in the end of D2. And by the fourth quarter, it was less attended than a Nationals' game. Although it was raining, so I woulda left if I was a Redskins fan.

The Flyers took care of the Senators for their 7th straight home win, going 9-0-1 in their last 10. They were really impressive, scoring first and putting the game away late. Briere scored first on a nice tip in, Giroux added a nice, quick thinking one timer from Richards, who added 2 goals of his own late, including a shorthanded breakaway. Bob was solid in goal, and it seemed like every line was producing. Really a strong performance, too bad it kinda got overshadowed by Michael Vick.

And if anyone took the half hour to watch the Weeds finale, it was fucking crazy. I did not expect Plan C.

Call me optimistic, but today was a great Monday. And well, that just means this is gonna be a great week.

PHUCK THE RECORD BOOKS, LOVE PHILLY

-Sean

Philz Update

THIS JUST IN: We interrupt this blog post to bring you some hilarious news from our nation's capital. Sources say the Skinnies and D-nabbs have agreed to a five year, $78 million extension. McNabb is 34, and he's also Donovan McNabb. That is all.

Today the Phightins resigned relief pitcher and avid gum chomper Jose Contreras to a two-year, $5.5 million contract, with a third year option based on performance. Joey was 6-4 with a 3.34 ERA in 67 games this year, including a few solid appearances in October.

Also, hall of fame second baseman Ryne Sandberg, who was drafted by the Phils but traded to the Cubbies (where he spent most of his career), has been hired to manage the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, our AAA unit. He was passed over by Chicago to replace Lou Pinella, and I'm glad we scooped him up, he should bring some great experience and knowledge to the farm.

The saga of Wolfman continues, with Ruben Amaro saying he obviously wants him back, but no matter what happens, he wants to get things solved as soon as possible, to avoid dragging it out over the whole offseason.

PHUCK THE OFFSEASON, LOVE PHILLY

-Sean

Carter signs 11 year extension

The Flyers announced today they've given center Jeff Carter an 11 year extension, worth $58 million. Lotta dough. This puts him in the orange and black for what should be most of his career, alongside Mike Richards and his 12 year deal. Carter is 24 years old, and has 8 goals and 6 assists in 16 games so far this year.

What do you think of the deal? Lots of people have been calling for him to get traded recently, not only cause he's occasionally underproduced, but it's a huge salary cap hit too. Carter haters and blonde lovers, hit us up in the comments below and let's hear your thoughts on this.

Some hilarious shit

The Onion is a great source for news. If you like cheesin, usually at the expense of dumbass Americans and network news, then theonion.com is a website you should frequent. And today they have an article written by the Phightin's own Roy cHall-all-day. If you know anything about the Onion, you'll know that this article was definitely written by Roy himself. Peep it here.

PHUCK CONVENTIONAL NEWS OUTLETS, LOVE PHILLY

-bawn chilliam scott

The Development of Claude Giroux

I remember when Claude Giroux was first called up in late 2008-2009. His flashiness and undeniable natural ability had people buzzing about the talented young center. It only continued in our first round playoff loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins where he collected 5 points in 6 games and clowned a Penguin defensemen with his skate.

Now while I may be a sucker for French Canadians, I started to get annoyed with Claudey boy last year. He would have me absolutely baffled with triple dekes (thank you coach Bombay) one game then, in a flash, he wouldn't record a point a for a month. He represented everything the Flyers were last year during the regular season; talented, yet misguided and unmotivated, without that needed knack for winning hockey games. But as is well documented, one shoot out and an incredible playoff run changed all of that for the Flyers and Giroux, who went on to score 21 points in 23 games.

Through the first month of the season this kid has continued to be an absolute beast. He's been scoring at a point per game pace and making Top Ten plays a night (if only Sportscenter paid as much attention to the NHL as the exquisite past time of automobile racing). Hockey Analyst Keith Jones has even gone as far as comparing him to former flyer, the great Peter Forsberg--yes, "the great" is an essential title to his name. But it's not just his jaw-dropping moves, he has become a complete hockey player. He leads the NHL in short handers' and is tied for the lead in game winning goals with three. Not to mention his superb defensive play and unreal ability to hold on to the puck. But we knew that from Game 7 against Boston last year.

My point? While G is the most obvious success this year, his transformation has become a metaphor for the entire team. Since a tough 2-1 loss to the Blue Jackets on October 25th, every skater has found their role on the team and contributed (With the exception of Jeff Carter, but ill blame that on the his shitty blonde hair this year). Richards is and has been a leader and dominant at both ends of the ice, Hartnell is still falling down every two minutes but is contributing, the defense has been as awesome as predicted and continues to roll out quality shifts consistently, and fourth liners like Darrel Powe, Andres Nodl and newcomer KyleWellwood have all played so well they have earned time among the top-6. Plus a guy named Bob is making an extremely strong case to become the goalie of the future, making everyone in South Philadelphia remember someone named Bernie. Depth and talent on Offense and defense, grit, solid goaltending and team play are all needed for success in the NHL and the Bullies have all of it.

Of course a 6 game winning streak in early November can make any team look like a cup contender, but even after a sunday afternoon loss to the Capitals, im still feeling positive. Just as long as i dont have to wait till a shootout in game 82, ill be happy.

In other news lolz @ cowboys.

phuck americas team, love philly

Reid Timmer

Weekend Recap

THIS JUST IN: The Cowboys aka Jerry Jones just fired Wade Phillips, probably because the Cowgirls are THIS BAD

The Flyers' 6 game win streak ended yesterday, a 3-2 OT loss to the Caps in Washington. Still impressive, as we beat the Islanders Saturday and have looked real good recently. By the way apparently the Caps fans call the Verizon Center the "Phone Booth." That's retarded. They don't call the Wells Fargo Center "The ATM." Next thing you know, those Yinnsers in Shittsburgh are gonna rename the Consol Energy Center as the "Electric Bill."

Vick and D-Jack came back from injury, and the defense held off Peyton Manning just enough to get a solid 26-24 victory at the Linc on Sunday. Offense looked explosive, but overall there were too many damned penalties. Some were called on third down, ending drives. Others negated great punt returns by DeSean and called back touchdowns. Not to mention that "blow to the head" on Peyton in the 4th quarter.

The Sixers got a win against the Knicks at MSG this weekend, with Elton Brand turning in 20 points, and Lou Williams and Jrue Holliday adding 19 each.

Jamie Moyer may have suffered a career ending injury while pitching winter ball in the Dominican Republic. It's on his throwing elbow, and looks like he won't be coming back this time. It's a sad day for Phils Phans, and I just want to add that I love J-Moy and everything he's done for this team. AND I have his autograph, which'll be worth a fortune one day. And THIS PLAY.

In non Philly news, Zenyatta did not win the Breeders' Cup, though it was a great race and she clearly is a great horse and will go down in history as one of the greatest fillies of all time.

PHUCK EVERYTHING, LOVE PHILLY

-S

Sports Reporting: Or the Search for Someone With a Brain

There are only two things as dumb as your average sports center anchor: Barney Gumble and my cat whose main source of entertainment is chasing his tail all day.

Now it’s probably not fair to be so cruel to the sports media- after all, they represent the most laid back form of journalism- however they just make it way too easy. I mean with names like Hannah Storm, Skip Bayless and Scott Van Pelt, I’m not sure if they're superheroes, porn stars, or anchors. Apparently it’s a thin line. The only analysts with normal names are the former players whose main issue is squeezing those extra fifty pounds they gained after retirement into their Versace suits. Their fight to remain relevant is more painful to watch an awkward sportsnation skit..

I understand the masculine aspect of sports, but the in-your-face epicness of the Sportscenter intro is WAY too much. It’s like a rocket ship of technology just burst through my TV screen with the movie phone guy yelling about last nights Pirates game. You don’t need to hype the highlight you’ve already shown 50 times. It’s too early. Tone it down a notch.

I cant limit my disdain to anchors and analysts. No, the announcers of the games need some attention as well. Do you ever wonder if they’re even paying attention to the game? It could be the seventh game of the World Series and they’ll be casually talking about last night’s buffet.

“Bottom of the ninth… Two outs… So Eric did you get a chance to try that bean dip earlier? FANTASTIC.”

Even if they are taking the time out of their busy schedules to talk about the game, their insight would make your grandmother cringe. “If he gets the puck to go in the net, he will eventually start scoring goals.” No shit Sherlock, I hope your enjoying your $50,000 paycheck. Not to mention they always sound like they’ve been drinking all day. If anyone has ever heard Gary “the Sarge” Matthews call a Phillies game, you know what I mean.

“Are you sure you need that third white Russian Sarge? Its only the second inning…”

But honestly nothing compares with the awkwardness of a 500 pound football coach stopping for an interview with a beautiful 20 year old blonde. It’s like watching your dad walk into a club and trying to hit on Paris Hilton. “yeah the offense was great in the first half… baby.” You couldn’t cut the awkwardness with a chainsaw.

Sadly, the only people in the sports media who actually have talent are the beat writers and columnists. But ironically their only camera time comes in news conferences when the camera is fixated on the star player. They’re lucky to get the back of their bald heads on screen for a millisecond. Then the only quotes they get are cookie-cutter clichés that I swear athletes and coaches alike memorize. I’m waiting for the day a columnist jumps over the podium and attacks Andy Reid.

“I DON’T CARE THAT YOU GUYS GAVE IT YOUR BEST EFFORT. PLEASE SAY SOMETHING ELSE!”

Maybe I was a bit unfair. My cat probably couldn’t give you the rundown of last night’s baseball scores. But I do know that he has never made a fool of himself on national television.

If only Scott Van Pelt could say as much.

Tinny Tan Johnson