I honestly considered just leaving this picture up without writing anything. It seems this faux-hawked, tribal tatted, loser can embarrass himself just as long as someone has a camera pointed at him. But it really cant hurt to point out the finer points of his toolness.
You ever go to one of those frat parties where there's a dude in a pink polo using his drunkenness as an excuse to be ridiculously loud and annoying? Well thats Mr. Swisher here on a daily basis. His life is a sad attempt to make himself look cool and oh god is it hard to watch. Im sure all you philly fans know and love Shane Victorino. He's quirky, out-going, and the funny guy in the dugout and he does this all with little or no effort. Its just how he is. When Swisher makes his lame attempt to gain these characteristics its painfully obvious, almost like a six year old desperately trying to look cool in front of his older brother.
I can just see him know in the Yankees clubhouse... "Hey! Hey! A rod check this new tattoo i got! i have a fucking MOHAWK! i'm the most fucking outgoing guy in major league baseball. YEAH."
Just like T.O. and Ochocinco he's attached to this strange thought that he deserves to be in the entertainment industry just because he is an athlete. I know it was only a short appearance on "How I Met Your Mother," but i can just see him re-watching it over and over thinking to himself, man i was fucking GOOD in those two seconds., i should do a movie...
On a side not, I don't know about everyone else but OJ in Naked Gun and Jordan in Space Jam are the only two athlete to actor moves that are respectable. Nah fuck respectable lets say awesome.
A lot of my hate for Swisher probably can be attributed to his engagement to Joanna Garcia. She's fucking hot. But that probably wouldn't be that big a deal if his ego wasn't as big as his goddamn ridiculous hair cut (is there an easier way to spot a tool than a mohawk?).
Plus, he looks like that kind of guy who likes Nickleback. Just saying...
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